Transracial Adoption

Every life is made up of many different parts. Few are more than the sum of their parts. They create with what they have something wondrous, exceptional and unique. Most manage to fit their pieces together well enough to form something comprehensible. Some are just not good with puzzles.

One Thing That Money Can't Buy

Snuffles 25th Anniversary Edition by Gund at FAO Schwarz
Not even from Ebay

Words to Live By

I was working on a post about being an Asian American or more specifically a Chinese American. After a a few days, I got bored. It's just not a problem or even much of an issue for me so what I wrote sounded contrived...as if I was having an academic argument for the argument's sake. Same as if I try to give people insights on how to loose weight. Even after gaining 40 plus pounds with my last pregnancy, I would only diet until the next meal. I still lost all the weight and some more in three months. I have no insight at all on weight loss because I never have to work much to lose weight. That certainly does not mean that obesity is not a problem, just not mine. Ditto for being a 1.5 generation Chinese American.

Fortunately for my blogging career I happened to chance upon the book "Words to Live By", a selection of C.S. Lewis's writings, at Borders today.

"for Scripture here cometh to our aide with this excellent reason, that we respect not what men merit of themselves but looke only upon God's image which they bear."

So often in the hospital , especially in the ICU, I question the value of my work. Many of my patients seem so "unworthy and irredeemable". So many of their illnesses stem directly from repeated self abuse and total disregard for the cost incurred to their families and society. Yet I and most of my colleagues carry on, repeatedly patching these people up just so they can return again in a few weeks. I have always thought that I do what I do because it's my job and I just want to do it well, and besides, it's business, I am just providing a service that I get paid for. Tonight, I am both humbled and inspired by that quote. I am reminded again of how important and powerful the influence of Christianity is on our society and how infrequently we give credit to the Bible.

Tomorrow is Sunday, we are taking our children to a new Chinese church close to my parents house so they can participate in Sunday school. If they learn nothing from me, they will learn how to be Christians.

"The Accidental Asian"

I remembered liking the book The Accidental Asian by Eric Liu. I don't remember much of the details except for the bit about Asian hair and not ordering drinks in Chinese Restaurants. I also remember wanting to give a copy to my brother and cousins just for fun.

Robin posted some comments on my "masterpiece" China Doll entry that gave me food for thought and reminded me of Eric Liu's book. (Robin not only comments, he even subscribes to my feed! Thanks Robin.) He commented:

... From an Asian male point of view, I've always thought that it was easier for Asian women to integrate into American society simply because Asian men tend to be considered more effete, while Asian women don't have this problem....

My perception is also very clouded by the fact that marriages such as yours (Asian woman to a Caucasian man) is much more common its reciprocal. I am distinctly aware of the fact that Caucasian men are generally more friendly to Illie than Caucasian women are to me...

His sentiments are echoed often enough by many of my male relatives and family friends, as well as other male Asian classmates and colleagues that I felt the impulse to respond. Keep in mind as you read this that they are Asian American males of a particular social economic class, with a heavy bias toward the medical profession, an admittedly narrow base for me to draw any all encompassing observation. But for what it's worth and for my boys when they are older:

1. Being short. No getting around that one. A universal complaint from short men of all races. If one has to be short, it's better to be a girl. But it's not insurmountable.
2. Being a geek, not really a problem at the end. Think Bill Gates, Jerry Yang, Steve Jobs, and Harry Potter. On a more everyday level, intelligent women prefer intelligent men, so unless you want a bimbo head then you should be fine. Being a female geek is still the same ugly duckling thing, definitely requiring transformation.
3. Being effete. Hmmm, different women have different taste, I personally prefer the Mr Darcy type myself. The foot ball player does not have universal appeal.
4. Being Asian. Only a problem for racist. Who wants to marry a racist?

But what happens if you put all four together? My anecdotal observation is:
All of the professional Asian males that I know, when they were ready to find a mate, readily found a very appropriate wife and are very happy. This, despite the unflattering self images formed during their teen age years or as an young adult. On the other hand, there is a significant number of Asian professional females who are "desperately seeking". From where these women stand, a preselected population of women who can see beyond stereotypes and commit to marriage is not so bad, but a non selected population of morons and Peter- Pans can be very detrimental to one's mental health. When all's been said and done, you only need one, and that one is an individual, your very own wife or husband. A true scenario where the end justifies the means. (Illie married Robin, need I say more?)

Why does it seem that many Asian American women prefer Caucasian men? I actually don't know if it's statistically true but one hears about it often enough that's just pretend that it is true for the sake of this discussion. I think it has to do with the need to find intellectual and spiritual liberation. We mostly end up with very nice guys who eat rice and use chopsticks, but they don't remind us of the constant need to be the good (and chaste) daughter. Looks? There are not that many truly good looking people around, it's all in the eyes of the beholder, therefore, psychological. (We already talked about the short thing, again no getting around that one, tall Asian men have an advantage too you know.)


Finally, why did I marry Scott?
He was the only male of the many races in America who wanted to marry me...It's true.

Problems and Delays

Received this reply when emailed USCIS regarding our I-600A application:


Your home study was reviewed on July 19, 2007. It was rejected due to the following:

The home study did not include a summary of the counseling to prepare the prospective adoptive parents regarding post-placement requirements. In addition, the home study did not include any discussion regarding expenses, difficulties, and delays associated with international adoptions.

Your home study worker, Sara Grepke, was contacted regarding sending in an updated home study to reflect the above.

Thank you,

Lisa Ubaldo


Talked to our social worker who was contacted by Hand in Hand yesterday. She will be sending in the required update tomorrow. A mere technicality of a single sentence apparently which was left out because she was not familiar with the Chicago office.

Am I frustrated yet? Not quite. Just disappointed that we won't be getting the I-171H this week after all.

Is Hand in Had inapt? I don't think so. Things of this nature probably happens regularly given that they have to deal with offices in different states all the time. They just resolve it as it happens I am sure.

My mantra for adoption paperwork: It's not personal, we are just a pile of papers to be processed. Checked every two weeks for problems until the baby is home...then forget about it.

A Lazy Summer's Day

I washed the kids twice today, not because they were dirty, but because I ran out of things to do with them. Mondays and Tuesdays are my "days off" so I really try to make these days as "educational" or at least, as TV free as possible.

Bo and I dropped Yeh Yeh off for her individual "enrichment session" at her school this morning. (I don't think her teacher gets paid by the school in the summer, so this is her "summer job".) To kill off 1/2 an hour, we grabbed some coffee/chocolate milk and donuts at a nearby cafe. Afterwards the two of them played at the playground for another 1/2 hr, we then stopped at my office to turn in my billing from last week.

The rest of the morning was spent at Stone Lake beach. We had a picnic by the lake, played in the water, and ate ice cream before heading home. Jamie (my babysitter) and I congratulated ourselves on a great outing without mishaps, washed them, then put them down for their afternoon nap.

What to do after nap was more problematic. We tried the backyard play set, watering the plants, driveway chalk, blowing bubbles, and crashing down the driveway really really fast in the red plastic car. After the stunt act, I canceled the planned picnic on the driveway with gold fish and watermelon and bathed them again, for an hour. I can only enjoy our driveway for so long.

Summer dinner in the country is a casual affair. Gold fish for Bo then pizza two hours later, cheese stick and Strawberry Yogurt Burst Cheerios for Baby, and ramen noodle 泡麵 for Yeh. I know what you are thinking, but I put flax seed oil in it at least. Later tonight I 'll popped a few uncrushed gold fish from the floor into my mouth as I clean up, eat the rest of the cheese stick that Baby can't get out out of the wrapper, and polish off the left over noodle soup that Yeh grudgingly allowed me to save for myself. I hope Scott is not planning on eating dinner tonight. He claims to have a stomach flu so he can hide in the bedroom to read the last Harry Potter book. He can always have bagel with humus and dried mango if he gets hungry, but then he would be busted. I already read the end of the book.

Tomorrow we will go to the county fair in the morning, and Yeh has ballet in the evening, another fun filled day.

I can't wait for Wednesday morning -when I go back to work.

Flatland

Disclaimer: These are not conclusions drawn from a deep understanding of mathematics and physics. These are flights of fancy from watching too much Star Track.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland

As an adoptive parent, I sometimes wince when people tell me that my daughter is "lucky". It is indisputable that all of my children are "lucky" kids. After all, not only do they not know disease or hunger, they haven't even experienced life without climate control. So, why do I feel the need to mumble back, "but it is I who is lucky" when people tell me that my daughter has "good fate 好命"? Because, it means that in some ways, she was rescued, therefore indebted, hence not as entitled to her current life as her rambunctious, and ever-so- demanding brothers?

Curious as well, are the feeling that many adoptive mothers share, that we are somehow, on some level, responsible for not having been there from the beginning. No one claims that to be a logical feeling, and for some it's not just a wistful longing for q 2 hour feedings....but a conviction that these children were ours, from the beginning, and we should have been able to conquer the time space continuum to, well, rescue them earlier! It is just a part of our job description as parents to rescue our own children, any of them.

There was the true story of a courageous mother cat that went into a burning house again, and again, and again, until all her kittens were rescued. (They all survived, thank goodness). There are also, the many colorful China adoption journals, blogs, and You-Tube videos. For our own family, The China Adoption trip was my husband's "best vacation ever". He and my parents flew business class as was the"norm" for China adoption at the time (why?), toured Beijing for a few days, stayed at carefully selected (by me) five star hotels, and dined at the most prestigious restaurants (my father's dream), while picking up our dear daughter. My daughter may have suffered, but heroes we were not to her, more like, tardy parents not too swift with paperwork? If she could have spoken on Gotcha day, she would have asked, "and what took you guys so long?".

There was the twin paradox, now for me is the adoption paradox that exist because as humans we are only able to perceive time as a linear dimension. So, perhaps, my daughter is lucky the same ways her brothers are, no more, and definitely no less. And if my children want to grow up feeling grateful for their blessings, and feel responsible for their parents, so much the better for me and my husband. Filial piety is very important to the Chinese, let's keep that tradition going.

So, what's that got to do Flatland? Well, it may be that we are stuck in our version of Flatland where the reality of our existence is "underestimated" by infinite degrees. When we are no longer bond by the constraint of time and space, our love for one another also becomes "omniscient and omnipresent", when we reconcile ourselves with God.

A Heaven in a Wild Flower

To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.

Don't really know why I am suddenly reminded of this poem after days of twigging my blog. Though the purpose was just to vent initially, it gradually became a creative project for me and now I want to learn Html so I can "beautify and customize" my blog.

I am staying away from the Rumor Queen site, not because I am still angry, but the experience left a bad taste that would not go away. I pop in once in a while to see if there are any big news, but I am no longer interested in their discussions. After all, what is it to me that China adoptive parents don't play peek-a-boo with their babies because the Rumor Queen told them that Bu4 不 means no in Chinese, and you would scare your baby playing that game? What Chinese person in his or her right mind goes around uttering Bu4 不 and only Bu4 不 without another verb, adjective, or sentence after it? Maybe in response to," are you leaving me because your are really dying of leukemia..."? No, No, No.....Dies! (and that would be in a Korean Drama dubbed in Mandarin)

I am leery to participate in any Internet forum now. One can easily become too emotionally absorbed over trivia in the on-line world. It is amazing how oppressive a group of faceless strangers can be ...sort of like being psychologically dominated. Pretty dangerous really. Maybe I was reminded of that poem to regain focus. Yes, looking around my backyard, heaven even in a weed.

China Doll

There exists a thread in Rumor Queen (a popular web site for China adoptive parents) regarding the term China Doll (http://chinaadopttalk.com/forum/index.php?topic=4502.0talk.com/forum/index.php?topic=4502.0). It starts out innocently enough with an adoptive parent wanting to understand if the eponym is offensive, and if so, why. I read the thread with curiosity for several pages and thought that it must be hard to be a transracial adoptive parent...so many things to watch out for but so brave. I was much more worried about the Green Bean Popsicle topic at the time...Imagine, a bag of frozen Green Giant on a stick then serving it to your baby. Cultural shock indeed, even for a 10 months old!

The thread becomes interesting when Chinese adoptive mothers (after several pages of restraint) chime in to say that they don't find the term "that bad"....not that it is good mind you, but just that compared to the C-word, (no, not China, "Chink" ,you silly), it's not t-h-a-t offensive. But the C-word should be avoided at all cost. Yes, we did have to explain that! The intent is probably to allay the anxiety of many of the China adoptive parents that their daughters will be forever scarred should they chance upon the term China Doll or any of its variations. After all, China Doll could just mean a doll made of porcelain. There are some fortunate Chinese women with such blessed complexion...my own daughter being one.

Never mind the slings and arrows of outrageous parlance, raise your children to overcome racism by being an admirable person, said I and many others, and they will change the future!
(Feel free to pick your own role model, there are quite a few). Silly me. Maybe that ideal is too lofty? It's pretty obvious that our voices are irritating to the Rumor Queen (affectionately referred to as RQ) and her non-Asian, but oh-so-culturally empathetic followers. We are pesky obstructions on their course to be the definitive authority on China adoption and matters relating to it. RQ's cited reference for her proclamation on the matter at hand (and she has many) is a college age blogger with identity crisis because she is a beautiful, intelligent Asian woman... in that order. Unbeknownst to me, being beautiful is apparently a real disadvantage in the current American society, and if one is also intelligent, the angst of being misunderstood becomes unbearable, being Asian on top of all that is just more than anyone can bear. That's duly noted. I am not disputing that that's her experience at this point of her life, whoever she may be. But how representative is she for the entire female Asian American population, including people like my mother and grandmother? I can tell you right now, unless your are a pervert, you can call my mom China Doll all you want, she'll respond by covering her mouth with her hand and giggle, then thank you profusely. My mother (who can be a little silly, bless her soul) is just as part of the American society as the co-ed, and she has conquered many heart ranching hardships living in America with perseverance and patience. I know because I was there, and I know of many more Asian women like her. They are not without worth, so why discount them and their feelings?

China Doll? People of my generation (roughly the generation of current adoptive parents), would most likely just shrug it off. Growing up here, many of us have experienced both the concrete operational school- yard type racism and the nebulous, undefinable kind that accounts for the discrepancy between our impressive academic credentials and lack of social/economic/political representation. Despite that, we, by and large, do not walk around bitter and angry but manage quite nicely, thank you. Quite a few of us even hold ourselves and/or our poor parents accountable for this discrepancy, attributing it to our upbringing and educational style. Being called a China Doll is trite by comparison, especially if no harm is intended. I'll tackle that one when there's an Asian president in the United States of America.

In truth, I suspect that the term China Doll may, in certain instances, be a problem for Chinese Americans of my children's generation, well, hmmmm :cough cough, whisper: if they are adopted by non Chinese families. However, since the "glow in the dark" white women (their words not mine) who object to the term have fairly young daughters or none at all yet, could it be that they are waging a war on the term for themselves, because they, these "white women", resent being reminded that their daughters are, or will be... adopted? When people descirbe my daughter as a China Doll, it's assumed that she is my biologic daughter, and I thank them for telling me that she is cute. Such is not the case for a transracial mother. For her, the statement may be taken as an inference that her daughter is adopted. While many have no problem with that inference, my hypothesis is (have to hold my breath here, because I am scared to say this): for a transracial mother or mother -to- be who is insecure about her motherhood, either because of unresolved infertility issues and/or of her motivation for international adoption, the term China Doll may generate many negative emotions that have nothing to do with the Asian women or her Asian daughter. For these same reasons, these women will be just as offended by the term Ethiopian Princess (Aida instead of Madame Butterfly?) if they were to adopt from Ethiopia. I can just see the mandate right now: "DO NOT let your daughter listen to Puccini (or Verdi)" . I believe these acrimonious women to be a small but vocal minority of the transracial adoptive community, but they generate, perhaps unintentionally, confusion and misunderstanding as well as pain for others, including their own friends and family. In my humble opinion, they should keep their private grief private rather than co-opt other people's anguish that's fundamentally unrelated.

Referenced by a mom- want-to -be university professor, is a trans racial Korean adoptee who wants to abolish the term China Doll from the English language. For this Korean adoptee, the word Chink is not nearly as offensive as China Doll. She resents China Doll when applied to her because it implies that people think all Asians look alike. Well, she is not Chinese now, is she? Who has the initiative to meddle with other people's racial slurs? Obviously, I am having problems just recognizing my own. Besides, many Asians have problem telling Caucasians apart too, ever try to watch an American movie with one? In all seriousness, this Korean woman most likely has issues that I would not in a million years make light of. Nevertheless, the point is, for the most part, China Doll is dismissible by Chinese American women... not commendable, just dismissible by a great majority of us, unless used by a sexual pervert that is (even then, it's the perversity that is the problem, not the words). RQ and her supporters refuse to acknowledge the voices of the Chinese adoptive members on the forum, instead, they pro actively seek out any Asian woman whose personal experience supports their claim, no matter if taken out of context. They are seeking allies rather than the broad consensus that exists in the Asian American community. In short, using RQ's jargon, I would say that "our positive experiences of being a contemporary Chinese/Asian American woman are being invalidated". Got to love the lingo... Good thing they validated my parking ticket in Chinatown this weekend (no, I don't live there, probably can't afford to given the current real estate market), or I might just have to invalidate my lunch.

By the way, I do realize that Chinese and Asian are not interchangeable, but we were sort of just lumped together for the China Doll discussion...

Efforts to reconcile were repudiated with disdain, and before long, much to my horror, true racism started to surface. To help me better understand how Asian women are actually viewed in America, the said professor above, who is a "waiting mother", kindly described the "pervasive" (especially around US military bases (?huh)) stereotype in plain English for all to share..."passive, submissive, exotic, and adept at sexually pleasing men..." If she wasn't so serious, it would have been funny. I could have (and really wanted to) excuse her as someone who got a little carried away with her quotes when trying to make a point but for the fact that she became very antagonistic when I tried to point out that perhaps the stereotype is dated, and offered an alternative one that is more relevant to our time. For my benefit, so she claimed, was posted a long list of links to substantiate her conviction that racism toward Asian women is well and alive in America. Hmmm, I am so dense I haven't noticed. She googled the term China Doll for her research and found "much evidence". I hope her reproductive endocrinologist googles to practice "evidence based medicine " on her. Read in the WSJ today:

"The Internet itself has exploded as a center of chat and misinformation...."

As an experiment, she should google Cleopatra, or bunny rabbits, and see the many porn sites that pop up. She could have pm'ed (pm=private mail)me the offensive list if the intent was to enlighten an oblivious China Doll, but she chose to post the list publicly. Though she posed and prosed to eradicate racism, in actuality, she seemed much more interested in perpetuating it if doing so supports her own cause.

The Rumor Queen herself suggested that I talk to some young Asian Americans to get some perspective?! What's up with that??? Perhaps in her zeal to reform me, she forgot that not all Asian women were adopted? Maybe she thought that I am estranged from my family and friends? Was I not young once, not so long ago? Come to think of it, I spent the first eleven years of my life talking exclusively to other Chinese in Chinese! For the record, we do talk about our negative experiences of being an Asian American woman (right now, for example), we just don't dwell on it. Though much obliged for her concern, our ethnicity or gender is just not a constant ban on our reasons for being as she fears, and I hope it won't be for her daughters.

Is it not obvious to those in pursuit of irreproachable political correctness that if they lose sight of the spirit justifying it, they can create more much more harm than good? Not to mention making themselves look pretty ridiculous in the process. As a metaphor, if, in Japan, trying to be respectful to the Japanese culture, an American woman bows to the train conductor as she boards the train. But, finding the crowd of Japanese around her restrictive of her attempts to bow, she pushes the ones behind her down the stairs and punches the ones on her side......... perhaps a little extreme, but I am trying to make a point.

As the thread gets off track and veers into Asian stereotypes in general, it becomes nearly intolerable. A woman is "puzzled" by the desire of the "young, successful, professional Asian women" whom she works with to perpetuate the model immigrant stereotype. They told her that her baby will be very smart when they found out that she was adopting from China. Well, what were they suppose to say? I HOPE your baby will be smart? Or better yet, your baby will be "submissive, passive, exotic, and adept at sexually pleasing men" when she grows up? Is that a poorly veiled implication that professional Asian women are opportunists and would use any situation to advance their own standing? So what? For her information, I for one, am not smart, successful, (and not without charm) to perpetuate a stereotype; egads, that's just who I am, by THEIR own standards. (Being most un Asian now, tooting my own horn, but it's for a greater cause). For many Asian women, being successful is not a stereotype, but a reality. Should they have been criticized and condemned for hoping that the adopted Chinese babies will be part of their world instead of that of Madame Butterfly? I can't help but feel that some trans-racial adoptive mothers want to see Asian American women as victims who need their protection, but secretly resent the competitions from those who are successful and well adjusted. Are THEY the ones making Asian women seem passive and submissive?
(Not sure who or what is making us sexually pleasing to men, but if you find out, let me know so I can pass it on to my unmarried cousins and friends...thanks in advance)

For those interested, though we may take pride in our group's achievements, the model immigrant stereotype is not something Asian Americans discuss to impress the non Asian community. It's a most relevant topic of great significance for ourselves and our children because of its many ramifications. It is also a stereotype that can generate so much pressure and pain, that sometimes it leads to personal tragedy...enough said... back to Cio-Cio San and Susy Wong....and more recently Sayuri. A person really must spent a lot of time watching TV and movies if she wants to understand racism, another RQ obervation. If my references seem old, that's because I just don't have time to watch much TV lately...will try hard to catch up. I am putting my faith in Kai-Lan, the preschooler, to vanquish the rampant China Doll stereotype (you remember, the passive, submissive, exotic....whatever one) in the global media. According to the NY Times,

"Kai-lan [the main character] inhabits a fantastical realm with an impulsive tiger, a koala who longs to be a panda, a pink rhino and a dumpling-loving monkey. Kai-lan is 'a born leader who makes affirmative connections with people and nature, paying attention to the feelings of others..."

I wonder why RQ et al don't object to her? Just look at the picture, how many Chinese stereotypes can you find? So... this represents the reality of contemporary Chinese American womanhood? The inconsistency is obvious. Perhaps RQ et al were being a little hypocritical when argueing their objections for the term China Doll? I actually think Kai-Lan is really cute, and am desperately looking for a break from Dora and the Wiggles. (The picture reminds me of my daughter with my father, the koala bear-B0B0, the monkey-Baby Aby, and the little bug-the daughter I am waiting for?) But then, I am a poor judge on what should and should not be offensive to a Chinese woman, so my opinion does not count.


Now, how offensive is China Doll??? Well, I would pause if someone introduces her daughter as my "China Doll" since I can't imagine myself referring to my mother as my China mommy or my boys as my Eurasian babies. Not that there's necessarily a problem, but one wonders. And NO, I never refer to my daughter as China anything. First, it's redundant. Second, it would sound kind of ridiculous uttered in Chinese. ( ha ha my children are bilingual :)) . Same reason I don't tell my vet that I am bringing my canine Labrador retrievers for their baths on Thursday. when my relatives compliment my daughter on her undeniable cuteness, they do call her doll, A WESTERN Doll (洋娃娃）! In Chinese, a western doll or baby is a doll period. How's that for irony? Of more importance, if little old ladies or other immigrant Chinese use the term China Doll to compliment my daughter, even if it annoys me or my children, I would want to teach my children to be kind and forgiving first before being judgmental about the vocabulary used. Charity and Forgiveness before Political Correctness and Moral Superiority in my household. Too Christian? How about just being polite? Now there's an Asian concept for you.

How do I personally feel about the term China Doll? How can I be so ignorant about it's egregious connotations? Let me count the way... When I arrived in the midst of a blizzard in Chicago not speaking a word of English, racial slurs were pretty low on the list of things I must learn to survive. A few years later, when I got up at five every morning to study for the SAT so I can ensure my family's future wellbeing (not to fulfill a stereotype), China Doll was not in the official study guide. True, I knew that Chink was a bad word, because occasional bullies would holler that term at me, but really , any noise such persons made was offensive. Fast forward to medical school at the esteemed halls of Northwestern. Classmates were too busy shoving my books off on the street because I was ruining the normal grade distribution curve for them, I don't think they could see the color yellow. It was just bright, glowing, neon green for six straight years. There I was again, perpetuating the darn Asian stereotype, being a six year med. I hung my head in shame and tried not to complain, that's the submissive, passive part of me. While I am all "settled and established" now, I am not indifferent to the "forever a foreigner concept". I view it as a mixed blessing. Being effortlessly bi-lingual and bi-cultural is a definite plus.

Reading to this point, my husband wants to know when is the "exotic, adept at sexually pleasing men" part going to surface....(Bug off, you...I am busy and I have a headache from typing all this).

To give credit where credit is due, I don't remember ever being this riled up about being Chinese. The China Doll thread is by far the most offensive and racist experience that I have encountered in my entire life. Why are these people adopting from China? Are their daughters going to disrespect Chinese/Asian women and hate themselves when they grow up? Are they the reason that many reputable international organization frown upon international adoption? Are they the reason that transracial adoption in America is difficult? (Do I sound like Carrie Bradshaw?) I don't know, but I wonder after my encounter with them.

I learned of all sorts of stereotypes reading the links the above mentioned RQ member provided. I was a little afraid that I will get spammed with pornographic sites, but my fury knew no fear. Where have these women been? Inquiring minds wanted to know. Suffice to say, the last site of the list was angryasianman.com. Quoting my 2 year old, "you joka me, ma ma?". I struggle with what to do? Be silent and unheard because of my Chinese upbringing to avoid confrontation, or raise hell and fulfill the third Asian female stereotype of "the dragon lady"? We are such a versatile group.

At the end, I think I'll keep my thoughts burried in oscurity. After all, this is not the diatribe of a Rumor Queen, nor that of a university professor, this is just the diatribe of a Pissed Off China Doll.

Referrals

July's referrals are starting to arrive. Dates covered appears to be 11/8/05-11/14/05. During all this, I was trying to correct a clerical mistake on our I-600A. When we arrived for our fingerprinting appointment (biometrics), the check in person noticed that my name was recorded as Kristina Fielder rather than Kristina Wu. Amazingly I was able to get my fingerprints done by having our agency fax a copy of our marriage certificate. That was followed by emails to Chicago USCIS and Hand in Hand. Both responded promptly. We were instructed to submit the message in writing with our signatures. I am still waiting for all sort of problem to occur because of this, but I know that in the end it's just a lot of paperwork and phone calls. Perhaps this is how God leads us to our daughter since he can't do the matching for CCAA. Even though I am still complaining about our fingerprinting delay last time we adopted, we would not have been matched with Esther if it were not for the delay.