I remembered liking the book The Accidental Asian by Eric Liu. I don't remember much of the details except for the bit about Asian hair and not ordering drinks in Chinese Restaurants. I also remember wanting to give a copy to my brother and cousins just for fun.
Robin posted some comments on my "masterpiece" China Doll entry that gave me food for thought and reminded me of Eric Liu's book. (Robin not only comments, he even subscribes to my feed! Thanks Robin.) He commented:
... From an Asian male point of view, I've always thought that it was easier for Asian women to integrate into American society simply because Asian men tend to be considered more effete, while Asian women don't have this problem....His sentiments are echoed often enough by many of my male relatives and family friends, as well as other male Asian classmates and colleagues that I felt the impulse to respond. Keep in mind as you read this that they are Asian American males of a particular social economic class, with a heavy bias toward the medical profession, an admittedly narrow base for me to draw any all encompassing observation. But for what it's worth and for my boys when they are older:
My perception is also very clouded by the fact that marriages such as yours (Asian woman to a Caucasian man) is much more common its reciprocal. I am distinctly aware of the fact that Caucasian men are generally more friendly to Illie than Caucasian women are to me...
- Being short. No getting around that one. A universal complaint from short men of all races. If one has to be short, it's better to be a girl. But it's not insurmountable.
- Being a geek, not really a problem at the end. Think Bill Gates, Jerry Yang, Steve Jobs, and Harry Potter. On a more everyday level, intelligent women prefer intelligent men, so unless you want a bimbo head then you should be fine. Being a female geek is still t
he same ugly duckling thing, definitely requiring transformation. - Being effete. Hmmm, different women have different taste, I personally prefer the Mr Darcy type myself. The foot ball player does not have universal appeal.
- Being Asian. Only a problem for racist. Who wants to marry a racist?
But what happens if you put all four together? My anecdotal observation is:
All of the professional Asian males that I know, when they were ready to find a mate, readily found a very appropriate wife and are very happy. This, despite the unflattering self images formed during their teen age years or as an young adult. On the other hand, there is a significant number of Asian professional females who are "desperately seeking". From where these women stand, a preselected population of women who can see beyond stereotypes and commit to marriage is not so bad, but a non selected population of morons and Peter- Pans can be very detrimental to one's mental health. When all's been said and done, you only need one, and that one is an individual, your very own wife or husband. A true scenario where the end justifies the means. (Illie married Robin, need I say more?)
Why does it seem that many Asian American women prefer Caucasian men? I actually don't know if it's statistically true but one hears about it often enough that's just pretend that it is true for the sake of this discussion. I think it has to do with the need to find intellectual and spiritual liberation. We mostly end up with very nice guys who eat rice and use chopsticks, but they don't remind us of the constant need to be the good (and chaste) daughter. Looks? There are not that many truly good looking people around, it's all in the eyes of the beholder, therefore, psychological. (We already talked about the short thing, again no getting around that one, tall Asian men have an advantage too you know.)
Finally, why did I marry Scott?
He was the only male of the many races in America who wanted to marry me...It's true.
3 comments:
Your point of view and opinions are always very interesting because, while I've had many discussions with my Asian female friends about race and being Asian, no one has offered the opinions and the perspectives that you have.
Maybe this is an example of where the "grass is greener on the other side" -- though, I also know more single Asian females than I know single Asian males. But then one very legitimate reason why I might seem a bit jaded is because I never had any luck with women until ..., well, Illie. She was my first. It was like hitting the jackpot. :) And she's always had a lot of guys interested in her - hardly true for me.
I've written a blog entry on this once awhile back:
http://yanr.ephmail.org/?p=110
Though I think it should be pointed out that being half Asian and Caucasian, Isaac and Abraham's mixed blood not only make them very cute (and, I'm sure, very very handsome when they become older) and they'll have a lot of Scott's characteristics as well. I think mixed-blood children of any two different races generally tend to be more attractive. I've always thought that, as a parent, you should be more worried about all of the girls lining up at your door asking for Isaac and Abraham in about a decade. :)
Also I think there have been disproportionately more mixed Asian/Caucasian penetration into media than just pure Asians - Keanu Reeves, Russell Wong, Kristin Kreuk, and Dean Cain come to mind.
It's true that I am a proud mama, just looka at that face! But being "mixed" babies, they are "niether here nor there" racially. The Americans in our community regard them as Asians, and the Taiwanese see them as Americans. How they will deal with that as they grow up depends to a large extend on their personality. I am not too worried though. Baby will use his big eyes when he sees fit (like Puss in Shrek), and BoBo will be amicable to all, but blame me for everything!
You make an interesting point that all of your professional male relatives have found very appropriate women to marry. Perhaps the complaint of the Asian American male vis a vis the prototypical Caucasian American football player is not the ability to find an appropriate mate, but rather, the ability to find casual sex as a young adult.
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