China Doll

There exists a thread in Rumor Queen (a popular web site for China adoptive parents) regarding the term China Doll (http://chinaadopttalk.com/forum/index.php?topic=4502.0talk.com/forum/index.php?topic=4502.0). It starts out innocently enough with an adoptive parent wanting to understand if the eponym is offensive, and if so, why. I read the thread with curiosity for several pages and thought that it must be hard to be a transracial adoptive parent...so many things to watch out for but so brave. I was much more worried about the Green Bean Popsicle topic at the time...Imagine, a bag of frozen Green Giant on a stick then serving it to your baby. Cultural shock indeed, even for a 10 months old!

The thread becomes interesting when Chinese adoptive mothers (after several pages of restraint) chime in to say that they don't find the term "that bad"....not that it is good mind you, but just that compared to the C-word, (no, not China, "Chink" ,you silly), it's not t-h-a-t offensive. But the C-word should be avoided at all cost. Yes, we did have to explain that! The intent is probably to allay the anxiety of many of the China adoptive parents that their daughters will be forever scarred should they chance upon the term China Doll or any of its variations. After all, China Doll could just mean a doll made of porcelain. There are some fortunate Chinese women with such blessed complexion...my own daughter being one.

Never mind the slings and arrows of outrageous parlance, raise your children to overcome racism by being an admirable person, said I and many others, and they will change the future!
(Feel free to pick your own role model, there are quite a few). Silly me. Maybe that ideal is too lofty? It's pretty obvious that our voices are irritating to the Rumor Queen (affectionately referred to as RQ) and her non-Asian, but oh-so-culturally empathetic followers. We are pesky obstructions on their course to be the definitive authority on China adoption and matters relating to it. RQ's cited reference for her proclamation on the matter at hand (and she has many) is a college age blogger with identity crisis because she is a beautiful, intelligent Asian woman... in that order. Unbeknownst to me, being beautiful is apparently a real disadvantage in the current American society, and if one is also intelligent, the angst of being misunderstood becomes unbearable, being Asian on top of all that is just more than anyone can bear. That's duly noted. I am not disputing that that's her experience at this point of her life, whoever she may be. But how representative is she for the entire female Asian American population, including people like my mother and grandmother? I can tell you right now, unless your are a pervert, you can call my mom China Doll all you want, she'll respond by covering her mouth with her hand and giggle, then thank you profusely. My mother (who can be a little silly, bless her soul) is just as part of the American society as the co-ed, and she has conquered many heart ranching hardships living in America with perseverance and patience. I know because I was there, and I know of many more Asian women like her. They are not without worth, so why discount them and their feelings?

China Doll? People of my generation (roughly the generation of current adoptive parents), would most likely just shrug it off. Growing up here, many of us have experienced both the concrete operational school- yard type racism and the nebulous, undefinable kind that accounts for the discrepancy between our impressive academic credentials and lack of social/economic/political representation. Despite that, we, by and large, do not walk around bitter and angry but manage quite nicely, thank you. Quite a few of us even hold ourselves and/or our poor parents accountable for this discrepancy, attributing it to our upbringing and educational style. Being called a China Doll is trite by comparison, especially if no harm is intended. I'll tackle that one when there's an Asian president in the United States of America.

In truth, I suspect that the term China Doll may, in certain instances, be a problem for Chinese Americans of my children's generation, well, hmmmm :cough cough, whisper: if they are adopted by non Chinese families. However, since the "glow in the dark" white women (their words not mine) who object to the term have fairly young daughters or none at all yet, could it be that they are waging a war on the term for themselves, because they, these "white women", resent being reminded that their daughters are, or will be... adopted? When people descirbe my daughter as a China Doll, it's assumed that she is my biologic daughter, and I thank them for telling me that she is cute. Such is not the case for a transracial mother. For her, the statement may be taken as an inference that her daughter is adopted. While many have no problem with that inference, my hypothesis is (have to hold my breath here, because I am scared to say this): for a transracial mother or mother -to- be who is insecure about her motherhood, either because of unresolved infertility issues and/or of her motivation for international adoption, the term China Doll may generate many negative emotions that have nothing to do with the Asian women or her Asian daughter. For these same reasons, these women will be just as offended by the term Ethiopian Princess (Aida instead of Madame Butterfly?) if they were to adopt from Ethiopia. I can just see the mandate right now: "DO NOT let your daughter listen to Puccini (or Verdi)" . I believe these acrimonious women to be a small but vocal minority of the transracial adoptive community, but they generate, perhaps unintentionally, confusion and misunderstanding as well as pain for others, including their own friends and family. In my humble opinion, they should keep their private grief private rather than co-opt other people's anguish that's fundamentally unrelated.

Referenced by a mom- want-to -be university professor, is a trans racial Korean adoptee who wants to abolish the term China Doll from the English language. For this Korean adoptee, the word Chink is not nearly as offensive as China Doll. She resents China Doll when applied to her because it implies that people think all Asians look alike. Well, she is not Chinese now, is she? Who has the initiative to meddle with other people's racial slurs? Obviously, I am having problems just recognizing my own. Besides, many Asians have problem telling Caucasians apart too, ever try to watch an American movie with one? In all seriousness, this Korean woman most likely has issues that I would not in a million years make light of. Nevertheless, the point is, for the most part, China Doll is dismissible by Chinese American women... not commendable, just dismissible by a great majority of us, unless used by a sexual pervert that is (even then, it's the perversity that is the problem, not the words). RQ and her supporters refuse to acknowledge the voices of the Chinese adoptive members on the forum, instead, they pro actively seek out any Asian woman whose personal experience supports their claim, no matter if taken out of context. They are seeking allies rather than the broad consensus that exists in the Asian American community. In short, using RQ's jargon, I would say that "our positive experiences of being a contemporary Chinese/Asian American woman are being invalidated". Got to love the lingo... Good thing they validated my parking ticket in Chinatown this weekend (no, I don't live there, probably can't afford to given the current real estate market), or I might just have to invalidate my lunch.

By the way, I do realize that Chinese and Asian are not interchangeable, but we were sort of just lumped together for the China Doll discussion...

Efforts to reconcile were repudiated with disdain, and before long, much to my horror, true racism started to surface. To help me better understand how Asian women are actually viewed in America, the said professor above, who is a "waiting mother", kindly described the "pervasive" (especially around US military bases (?huh)) stereotype in plain English for all to share..."passive, submissive, exotic, and adept at sexually pleasing men..." If she wasn't so serious, it would have been funny. I could have (and really wanted to) excuse her as someone who got a little carried away with her quotes when trying to make a point but for the fact that she became very antagonistic when I tried to point out that perhaps the stereotype is dated, and offered an alternative one that is more relevant to our time. For my benefit, so she claimed, was posted a long list of links to substantiate her conviction that racism toward Asian women is well and alive in America. Hmmm, I am so dense I haven't noticed. She googled the term China Doll for her research and found "much evidence". I hope her reproductive endocrinologist googles to practice "evidence based medicine " on her. Read in the WSJ today:

"The Internet itself has exploded as a center of chat and misinformation...."

As an experiment, she should google Cleopatra, or bunny rabbits, and see the many porn sites that pop up. She could have pm'ed (pm=private mail)me the offensive list if the intent was to enlighten an oblivious China Doll, but she chose to post the list publicly. Though she posed and prosed to eradicate racism, in actuality, she seemed much more interested in perpetuating it if doing so supports her own cause.

The Rumor Queen herself suggested that I talk to some young Asian Americans to get some perspective?! What's up with that??? Perhaps in her zeal to reform me, she forgot that not all Asian women were adopted? Maybe she thought that I am estranged from my family and friends? Was I not young once, not so long ago? Come to think of it, I spent the first eleven years of my life talking exclusively to other Chinese in Chinese! For the record, we do talk about our negative experiences of being an Asian American woman (right now, for example), we just don't dwell on it. Though much obliged for her concern, our ethnicity or gender is just not a constant ban on our reasons for being as she fears, and I hope it won't be for her daughters.

Is it not obvious to those in pursuit of irreproachable political correctness that if they lose sight of the spirit justifying it, they can create more much more harm than good? Not to mention making themselves look pretty ridiculous in the process. As a metaphor, if, in Japan, trying to be respectful to the Japanese culture, an American woman bows to the train conductor as she boards the train. But, finding the crowd of Japanese around her restrictive of her attempts to bow, she pushes the ones behind her down the stairs and punches the ones on her side......... perhaps a little extreme, but I am trying to make a point.

As the thread gets off track and veers into Asian stereotypes in general, it becomes nearly intolerable. A woman is "puzzled" by the desire of the "young, successful, professional Asian women" whom she works with to perpetuate the model immigrant stereotype. They told her that her baby will be very smart when they found out that she was adopting from China. Well, what were they suppose to say? I HOPE your baby will be smart? Or better yet, your baby will be "submissive, passive, exotic, and adept at sexually pleasing men" when she grows up? Is that a poorly veiled implication that professional Asian women are opportunists and would use any situation to advance their own standing? So what? For her information, I for one, am not smart, successful, (and not without charm) to perpetuate a stereotype; egads, that's just who I am, by THEIR own standards. (Being most un Asian now, tooting my own horn, but it's for a greater cause). For many Asian women, being successful is not a stereotype, but a reality. Should they have been criticized and condemned for hoping that the adopted Chinese babies will be part of their world instead of that of Madame Butterfly? I can't help but feel that some trans-racial adoptive mothers want to see Asian American women as victims who need their protection, but secretly resent the competitions from those who are successful and well adjusted. Are THEY the ones making Asian women seem passive and submissive?
(Not sure who or what is making us sexually pleasing to men, but if you find out, let me know so I can pass it on to my unmarried cousins and friends...thanks in advance)

For those interested, though we may take pride in our group's achievements, the model immigrant stereotype is not something Asian Americans discuss to impress the non Asian community. It's a most relevant topic of great significance for ourselves and our children because of its many ramifications. It is also a stereotype that can generate so much pressure and pain, that sometimes it leads to personal tragedy...enough said... back to Cio-Cio San and Susy Wong....and more recently Sayuri. A person really must spent a lot of time watching TV and movies if she wants to understand racism, another RQ obervation. If my references seem old, that's because I just don't have time to watch much TV lately...will try hard to catch up. I am putting my faith in Kai-Lan, the preschooler, to vanquish the rampant China Doll stereotype (you remember, the passive, submissive, exotic....whatever one) in the global media. According to the NY Times,

"Kai-lan [the main character] inhabits a fantastical realm with an impulsive tiger, a koala who longs to be a panda, a pink rhino and a dumpling-loving monkey. Kai-lan is 'a born leader who makes affirmative connections with people and nature, paying attention to the feelings of others..."

I wonder why RQ et al don't object to her? Just look at the picture, how many Chinese stereotypes can you find? So... this represents the reality of contemporary Chinese American womanhood? The inconsistency is obvious. Perhaps RQ et al were being a little hypocritical when argueing their objections for the term China Doll? I actually think Kai-Lan is really cute, and am desperately looking for a break from Dora and the Wiggles. (The picture reminds me of my daughter with my father, the koala bear-B0B0, the monkey-Baby Aby, and the little bug-the daughter I am waiting for?) But then, I am a poor judge on what should and should not be offensive to a Chinese woman, so my opinion does not count.


Now, how offensive is China Doll??? Well, I would pause if someone introduces her daughter as my "China Doll" since I can't imagine myself referring to my mother as my China mommy or my boys as my Eurasian babies. Not that there's necessarily a problem, but one wonders. And NO, I never refer to my daughter as China anything. First, it's redundant. Second, it would sound kind of ridiculous uttered in Chinese. ( ha ha my children are bilingual :)) . Same reason I don't tell my vet that I am bringing my canine Labrador retrievers for their baths on Thursday. when my relatives compliment my daughter on her undeniable cuteness, they do call her doll, A WESTERN Doll (洋娃娃）! In Chinese, a western doll or baby is a doll period. How's that for irony? Of more importance, if little old ladies or other immigrant Chinese use the term China Doll to compliment my daughter, even if it annoys me or my children, I would want to teach my children to be kind and forgiving first before being judgmental about the vocabulary used. Charity and Forgiveness before Political Correctness and Moral Superiority in my household. Too Christian? How about just being polite? Now there's an Asian concept for you.

How do I personally feel about the term China Doll? How can I be so ignorant about it's egregious connotations? Let me count the way... When I arrived in the midst of a blizzard in Chicago not speaking a word of English, racial slurs were pretty low on the list of things I must learn to survive. A few years later, when I got up at five every morning to study for the SAT so I can ensure my family's future wellbeing (not to fulfill a stereotype), China Doll was not in the official study guide. True, I knew that Chink was a bad word, because occasional bullies would holler that term at me, but really , any noise such persons made was offensive. Fast forward to medical school at the esteemed halls of Northwestern. Classmates were too busy shoving my books off on the street because I was ruining the normal grade distribution curve for them, I don't think they could see the color yellow. It was just bright, glowing, neon green for six straight years. There I was again, perpetuating the darn Asian stereotype, being a six year med. I hung my head in shame and tried not to complain, that's the submissive, passive part of me. While I am all "settled and established" now, I am not indifferent to the "forever a foreigner concept". I view it as a mixed blessing. Being effortlessly bi-lingual and bi-cultural is a definite plus.

Reading to this point, my husband wants to know when is the "exotic, adept at sexually pleasing men" part going to surface....(Bug off, you...I am busy and I have a headache from typing all this).

To give credit where credit is due, I don't remember ever being this riled up about being Chinese. The China Doll thread is by far the most offensive and racist experience that I have encountered in my entire life. Why are these people adopting from China? Are their daughters going to disrespect Chinese/Asian women and hate themselves when they grow up? Are they the reason that many reputable international organization frown upon international adoption? Are they the reason that transracial adoption in America is difficult? (Do I sound like Carrie Bradshaw?) I don't know, but I wonder after my encounter with them.

I learned of all sorts of stereotypes reading the links the above mentioned RQ member provided. I was a little afraid that I will get spammed with pornographic sites, but my fury knew no fear. Where have these women been? Inquiring minds wanted to know. Suffice to say, the last site of the list was angryasianman.com. Quoting my 2 year old, "you joka me, ma ma?". I struggle with what to do? Be silent and unheard because of my Chinese upbringing to avoid confrontation, or raise hell and fulfill the third Asian female stereotype of "the dragon lady"? We are such a versatile group.

At the end, I think I'll keep my thoughts burried in oscurity. After all, this is not the diatribe of a Rumor Queen, nor that of a university professor, this is just the diatribe of a Pissed Off China Doll.