Expedited Referrals

It all started with the rumor on The Rumor Queen that a certain US adoption agency gets faster referrals for their clients. Waiting parents are mad that people are "cutting in line", and are concerned about possible corruption in the China international adoption program. There are no conclusions yet on exactly what's going on. Some discussions regarding what constitute an ethical adoption followed, mostly about the role of the adoptive parents, adoption agencies and the governments involved. Little were mentioned about the adopted children or their birth parent. Then came the negativity toward expedited families of Chinese ancestry. It's just not fair that Chinese families get Chinese children faster. I find it perplexing that these outlooks are coming out of the same China adoptive parents (hopefully not the exact same people) who study blogs by Korean trans-racial adoptees. These are the same group of adoptive parents who express sympathy, empathy and understanding of the pain and suffering of the trans- racially adopted and vow to do better for their own trans- racially adopted children by enrolling them in Chinese schools and celebrate every Chinese holiday. How can they forget the sacred Adoption Triad so well described by those adopted? Let me remind my readers for the quiz after reading my blog, The Triad consists of The Child, The Birth Parents, and The Adoptive Parents...but did not include The Government (an oversight?). (This would make a good multi multiple choice question, the kind that you pick A,B,C,D, A and C, B and D, A B and C, and all of the above.)

I am not a big fan of the Korean trans-racial adoptive blogs. If nothing else, they don't make me feel all warm and fuzzy. In fact, reading them generates "negative emotions" toward trans- racial adoptions. Despite all the disclaimers by the authors that they are not bitter, resentful, and ungrateful, that's exactly how they come across. Ungrateful is fine, since being "ungrateful" is probably a sign of parent-child attachment, but bitter and resentful is harder for me to sympathise with....until recently, when I realize what their parents may be like and what their lives entail.

It comes across loud and clear in these blogs that the Korean trans- racial adoptees don't mind being adopted so much as being adopted by White Parents. The hierarchy of their preference is very clearly stated: 1.) Biologic parents, 2.) Domestic adoptive parents (citizens of their birth country), then grudgingly 3.) White Parents on a good day, but maybe The Institution on a bad day. The fact that they are not with #1 and #2 is the source of their angst and in my view not fair game for public debate, so I won't comment on it. It does not take too much imagination to infer that they would have probably preferred being adopted by Korean immigrants than white parents. In fact, I would presume to venture, that the mental image they have of their biologic parents are most likely based on that of the immigrant Korean families. The parents of their dreams most likely bear striking resemblances to their Korean classmates' parents. The White Parents seem to have a mental block with that reality. They are blocking this message out the same way and for the same reason that they are blocking out the message that morbid obesity is a life threatening condition, and homosexuality is not the familial norm. When choices are being made, the adoptive parents' desire to be parents always out weights the best interest of the child. But that's being human, and is necessary up to a certain point, for the sacrifices demanded of parenthood.

Raising children is not a particularly logical enterprise except in the context of specie survival. Were it not for the Desire to be Parents, we would all let our neighbors raise the next generation instead of ourselves. Therefore, the responsibility rests with the society/elected officials (The Government) to set limits so that the desire of the adoptive parents whilst acknowledged and respected, do not overwhelm the best interest of the child, hence The Haque. To that end the CCAA lets white families and Chinese families adopt, but has an expedited line for families of Chinese Heritage. To that end, there are restrictions based on BMI for adoptive parents, to that end there are income qualifications, and criminal record checks...it's not that hard to understand. By the way, I have never heard of Korean adoptees complain about their adoptive parent's weight or income, just about them being white...food for thought?

Some people are not happy that families of Chinese heritage are expedited. In my view these people should not adopt Chinese children. If they can not overlook their self interest enough to see that Chinese children prefer Chinese parents, then they would not understand the complex racial issues trans- racially adopted children will face. These parents are the ones that raise children who feel that they are experimental monkeys. After reading about the embittering experiences that trans- racial adoptees recounted and the blatant selfishness and racism expressed by some adoptive parents in the international adoptive community, I sometimes wish that China would refer their babies to Chinese families first, then consider the non Chinese families. But that kind of attitude does not contribute to world peace in the end, and I want a better world for my children and their children.

Being Chinese, I am pretty sure it was the White Adoptive Parent who first opened the door to international adoption and worked to make IA as corruption free as possible. They are also the ones adopting special needs babies and older children. As a population, the Chinese community still has (to put it kindly) reservations about adoption as a mean to build their own families. When I read blogs written by Chinese families about adoption, they most often talk about the disapproval they face within their own families, and the conflicts they face are quite painful and heartbreaking. These are blogs written in Chinese, a whole different genre of reading. (I don't have that problem by the way.)

Fortunately (Hopefully) for all of us, by striving to be prejudice free one small step at the time, these issues I vent about will become non-issues for our future generations. May all children born be loved and well cared for. Amen.

Was It Meant to Be?

I stumbled on a Korean adoptee blog today that bothered me more than others. The author also adopted from Korea, and has a bio daughter. She did not make her motivation to adopt clear on her blog. I do not find the author malicious in anyway. I do not believe her blog has an agenda or a cause. I think she writes about what she feels when she feels the need to write about it. I am almost certain that she is a pretty nice person, someone I would know from church etc. I felt the urge to respond to her opinions and observations, but I just don't have the heart to comment negatively on someone else's personal blog. She is not writing to me or for me. I read many of her recent entries to try to gain a more complete picture and to understand her writing style. The problem with reading blogs is that posts can be easily taken out of context. I think I read enough to know that while she appears happy with her life, she is not happy being a trans-racial adoptee.

What troubles me the most is her post that portrays adoptive parents as selfish insensitive people who thoughtlessly build their happiness upon the pain of the "birth parents". Specifically, she found adoptive parents' sentiment that the adopted children were "meant to be" their children distasteful and insulting to the children's birth parents. The fact that she over romanticizes the birth parents is obvious, or should be to anyone old enough to reproduce. Her reproach of parents who are just trying to express their love for their adopted children is not particularly charitable or helpful to those adopted. When I describe my relationship with my daughter as "meant to be", it does not imply that the events which lead to her adoption were also meant to be. Nothing bad that happens in our world is "meant to be". We chose with our free will to disobey God, and had to leave the Garden of Eden...after that, EVERYTHING was not meant to be. That is what is meant by the original sin. When I talk or think that my daughter is meant to be my daughter, I am talking about the grace of God that saves, protects, and blesses me, my daughter, her bio parents, infertile couples, China, USA, all of us, etc, despite all the things that are not meant to be. It's a miracle, and should be appreciated as such. Referring to my previous post, me, the child, her bio parents all knocked, and we were all answered, given the constraint of our inperfect word that is of our own doing. Please feel free to improve the world so the future is a better place. The past is what it is. I do understand and agree with her that there are adoptive parents with an attitude of entitlement that's hard to stomach. I complained quite loquaciously about them myself. But they are that way about everything in their life, they are not that way because they are adoptive parents. It dawn on me though, that her perspective is very much that of a sheltered American based on her somewhat romantic view of poverty, and child abandonment. while her views simply refect who she is and how she feels, they do lack insight and scope. ( If any one finds the term "sheltered American" insulting, realize at least that many in the world envy that dubious privilege.) In answer to her question, if I had to give up a child due to war, famine, extreme poverty,etc. I would be so thankful not to mention relieved that my child was loved and well cared for and did not die, I would have no problem over looking his or her adoptive parent's lack of talent for creative prose, or even their sense of undeserved entitlement. But that's just me. (By the way, bio parents with insight, do not feel entitled to their bio children either.)

Human love is by nature possessive. I claim my child, my child claims me, that's called attachment. Children need to attach, it's part of normal development. How would an adopted child feel growing up if she thinks that her parents would willingly, with gladness reunite her with her bio parents should they happen to show up on the front door? Only God is capable of the true unconditional love that is perfectly pure. The rest of us can only love in a way that God approves, allow God to guide us in our choices and trust in his timing. To think otherwise is hubris.

Her perspective about female Asian stereotypes is also very much that of an American woman (of whatever ethnicity) rather than that of an Asian. Ironically, it's the fact that she is so very American (and nothing wrong with that, by the way) that she sees it as a racial issue. I have no doubt that everything she described happened. However, if I were to be in those situations, it's the perversity that would offend me, not the fact that these people view me as Asian. Chinese is what I am, whoever that chooses to look at me. As an Asian women who grew up with a world filled with other Asian women of all ages, shape and sizes, ugly and beautiful but mostly just plain, the concept of all Asian woman as sexual beings is just too preposterous to be entertained even under duress. Bad men sexualize women, their hatred is universal. They would not treat white women or even their own wives or daughters any better. It puzzles me that anyone should find sexual perverts' opinion on women of any significance. I don't seek opinion on children from pedophiles. Of course these people are also racist. They are the same group that robs the poor and beats the elderly. They exist in all countries. Unfortunately certain percentage of the human population suffers from this particular form of "congenital defect", and are truly "learning disabled". One simply stay away from places where these people are likely to hang out (in the real world and on the internet) because these places are bad places for many other reasons. No energy left to comment on the sisterly comments she received. Maybe they view her as a threat because she is attractive, again it's not that she is Asian. I am starting to feel a little bad about myself. I don't seem to have her problem...I guess I am that ugly.

A lot of her complaints are also complaints of second or third generation Asians, they are only relevant to her adoption in the sense that had she not been adopted, she would have grown up in Korea. These are not issues caused by adoption. These are issues of immigration, and she is an immigrant though she is not likely to view herself as such. Other children don't get to choose if their family immigrate or not either, their parents make that decision for them, just like hers.

It's getting late, so I'll cut it short. If you get nothing else from this blog, please just remember that Google search is not a research tool (if one needs an example of something that is not meant to be... )It's the definition of selection bias by design. Besides, pornography is the number one use (or at least one of the top uses) of the Internet. Try to Google white women in an Asian country and see what happens. This is just a pet peeve about one of the failures of our liberal arts education.

Adoptive parents vs Biologic Parents

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you

Question: How are adoptive parents (who may also have biologic children) different from biologic parents?

My own humble answer: They are parents who have asked of God, knowingly or not, and a door was open unto them for their needs.

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Repaired Special Needs

Preface: I am Taiwanese, brought up to be more than a little leery of the Chinese communist government. In fact, that's the main reason my family immigrated to the US.

RQ posted that China is referring "repaired special needs" children as non special needs "again". Apparently it was an issue last year then sort of died down. I wonder if it's not a little like the Chew blog situation where a disturbing situation (disrupted adoption) gets discussed a lot when it happens then dies down because the incidence is pretty low and unchanged in reality. On the other hand, it could be that with improved medical care in China there are more children who get treated for correctable conditions and are now available for adoption and the CCAA is doing its best to find homes for these kids. Or, as quite a few claimed, China is trying to slide unhealthy children into families that requested healthy kids. Words such as trickery, deception, and corruption were used.

An understandably heated discussion followed, mostly centered around the rights of PAP to have choices and be informed about the referrals of "corrected special needs" children. Almost all admit to being concerned, many are angry, some more blunt about their anger than others. The whole spectrum of attitudes ranged from the sanctimonious"how can anyone not love any child and want to parent them", to the frightening "I paid more for non special need babies and am entitled to one". Waiting parents are a little to a lot worried, including me.

In so much as China has changed and is changing, so must it's international adoption program, including the types and numbers of Chinese children it deems appropriate for international adoption. That's a given. Has the integrity of the program deteriorated as changes occur is a more fundamental question. Related to that questions is, why do the waiting adoptive parents find China or more specifically the CCAA deceitful for placing children with corrected special needs as non special needs?

One must accept when adopting that no system can be 100% correct in accessing the medical condition of a child. A certain percentage of non special need referrals will have "special needs" or medical problems. Vice versa, a certain percentage of "special needs" are not really special needs at all. It seems logical also that the population of "corrected special need" children may have a higher incidence of permanent medical problems than the traditional non special need population. It follows that if the CCAA does its best to assess the condition of the children being referred, and choose to define non permanent corrected medical condition as non special need, they can not and should not be faulted. Let's not forget that China did not solicit the world, and the United States in particular to adopt their children. We went knocking on their door, and lately, the waiting crowd is wanting to knock down the door, grab the babies and run. China never advertised its international adoption program as the predictable, ethical, efficient, low risk program that beats all others. That is a conclusion drawn by the adoptive parents themselves. The adoption agencies described the program as such, and they were correct, at least in the recent past. If the character and nature of China's international adoption program is changing, it's for the PAPs and the agencies to find out for themselves and communicate that to one another.

On a more cynical level, for those who find China or the CCAA manipulative, arbitrary, and unresponsive to the people/children it serves, which part of "a communist government" do you not understand? Let me spell it out for you, IT IS NOT A DEMOCRACY, and you are not even one of it's citizens. What kind of rights and political representation do you think you are entitled to?

I am just as worried as any waiting parent, if not more so given my personality. I am just as selfish in wanting healthy, happy children. Those who know me know that I am easily stressed. My motto in life is: the solution to problems is not to create problems. I do sometimes wonder if I am tempting fate to adopt again when I already have three literally gorgeous, healthy as can be, and smart babies. But, for what ever reason, I/we, were driven to want another. So I am committed, and my heart already engaged. Even though I can't predict the future, I know that when my child is here, I do not want to have written, or have thought anything that she might find hurtful. I am her mother. Perhaps that should serve as an internal yardstick for PAPs dueling it out on adoption forums. What would my child think, how would my child feel, if he or she ever chance upon these discussions?

Up a Notch Racism

I do not like the Rumor Queen. I do not like the site. However, I visit and read the posts and discussions. I need the information and for now the China Adopt Talk site is where people go to share information regarding China adoption. It bothers me that I have to visit that site to get information, but so be it. Why do I read the discussions? I sometimes wonder.

I checked out some of the blogs that were referenced on the Rumor Queen forum regarding "racism". They are mostly blogs by trans- racial adoptees. They experience and describe a peculiar form of racism that results form having internalized the persona of the "superior race"growing up, but are then regarded by the rest of the world as NOT of the "superior race". By definition, what ever amount of racism these individuals experience, it has to be more than what their parents/families experience (which is none), because their parents are of the "superior race" themselves. That is distinctively different from the typical immigrant experience where the second generation tend to be better assimilated and experience less "racist moments" than their parents and are constantly reminded by their parents how lucky they are to be able to grow up in America. After reading these blogs, it is understandable that the white adoptive parents worry about the racial discriminations that their children are likely to face yet that themselves have no experience with. How can they help their children? Unfortunately, how some of these trans-racial adoptive parents (the Rumor Queen type) address that concern is often offensive and racist in the extreme. Why they need to claim superiority on a problem (racial discrimination) that's better left unexperienced and of which they lack any perspective on is really kind of strange.There is no pride in being discriminated against, really, I kid you not.

For starters, It's all about Them. (A pretty universal complaint regarding racism from all parties involved.) They are concerned about racism toward female Asian Americans only because they have adoptive children from China (or substitute Asian country of your choice). They don't care "sh*t" about Asians Americans or any other racial minorities for that matter. They may pretend they do, and sometimes they pretend so hard they convince themselves but nobody else. The "other minorities" exist to serve as examples for them to make a point. It's always if a black person this or if a black person that. Personally, if I were black, I would get pretty p*ssed at being the "gold standard" for other minorities. Why don't they use themselves as examples? After all, white Americans have many negative stereotypes of their own, and in case they haven't noticed, they are not the majority or superior race where their daughters came from. What infuriates me the most is how readily they gang up to stump on any Asian that gets in their way to eradicate racism for their daughters, even when they are wrong (spoken from personal experience by the way). They can't seem to grasp that not everything that distinguish a person as Chinese is bad, not every un-American trait is a negative stereotype, and not everybody wants to be "colorless".

They are pretty brutal with fellow white citizens who have not immersed themselves in the trans-racial adoptive culture as well. Why can't people just educate themselves for my family's sake is sort of the attitude. Why can't people treat us just like everyone else but behave with impeccable sensitivity around my children because they are not white and are obviously adopted? Really one does feel sorry for the children. But the self-righteousness of the parents is not justified. If they really care that much about "The Children", then don't adopt them, just donate the money so they can stay with their biologic family or at least lead a good life in their own country. The amount of money spent on these children on a daily basis in America will more than compensate for permanent foster families who may even be the children's biologic extended families. If , like us, you adopt because of your own selfish needs to love and beloved, internationally because of its relative ease compared to domestic adoption, at least have the tolerance to put up with the imperfect world as you suffer it because you created it yourself. Occasionally, one also hear from trans racial adoptive parents who adopt as a part of their efforts to combat racism, prevent population growth, or avoid childbirth...and China because they have always been drawn to it ever since they were little girls (growing up in Kansas?). That would be during the cultural revolution when China was CLOSED to the world and its own past! What were they being drawn by?

These white adoptive parents insist that because they have researched and read all about racism toward female Asian Americans, they understand it better than the oblivious Asian American women themselves. Yes, they claim to feel my pain more than me, and they are also entitled to tell me what I should and should not find offensive or discriminatory!? The presumption and arrogance of these white women are mind boggling to someone who has never had the privilege to be of the "superior race".

Striking are these women's obvious resentments toward Asian American women who refuse to subscribe to the white agenda. They have no problems with Asians whom they regard as foreign. Chopsticks, Chinese food, Chinese folklore are all to be embraced and respected for their foreignness. They are all too willing to take on the White Men's or Women's burden. They just can't stomach Chinese Americans who don't share their feelings but are just as American as they are. They are worse than people who harbor racism based on ignorance, or are just ignorant period. These are intelligent and articulate people with influence who exercise the White Person's prerogative when they are threatened by others who are different but equally powerful. I do realize that the "all must think and feel just like me and nothing I say, think, or do can be wrong" is a personality disorder that exist in all races, not just people "without color". But when these people happen to be white and decide to combat racism, they have just taken racism to the next level, a much more subversive and dangerous realm. Now imaging little Chinese girls growing up calling these people mommy. They may love you, but they really wish deep down that you are "colorless". Nevertheless, they love you despite all that because they are such wonderful colorblind human beings...and when you run in to other Chinese women, just assume that they don't know anything about China, being Chinese or Chinese American, certainly not as much as your mommy who puts you in Chinese school and has the money to take you (back?) to China for heritage tours every year. Many Chinese immigrants have to save up for years to go back home you know, so how can they understand China like my family? Besides Chinese people in America don't seem to like me very much, wonder why?

Failing to acknowledge that they are indeed privilege to be white in America, lacking the humbleness to admit that they can not always understand other people's sufferings make them think that they are so special that their children should be exempted from the price of immigration that every immigrant and their children have to pay. Loss of culture, loss of biologic extended family, loss of the certainty of belonging are not unique to their children but are the accepted price immigrants, their children, and their children's children all pay...mitigated only when they become equal parts of the American society, when their race is no longer viewed as a liability, dissolved though not necessarily resolved when completely assimilated and intermarried. So what motivates the Rumor Queen and her likes to reinforce to an Asian woman that being Asian is and always will be a liability in America even when that Asian woman argued (uncharacteristically) with them that need not be so? Pure, simple, unadulterated racial superiority?

Why I read the Rumor Queen? Because it allows me to better understand how racism really manifests itself in America. They have convinced me that racism is rampant in America and infiltrates into every aspects of our lives.

I-171!

NOTICE OF FAVORABLE DETERMINATION CONCERNING APPLICATION FOR ADVANCE PROCESSING OF ORPHAN PETITION

We received our I-171 today! This is a major milestone for international adoption. It means that the US government has given us permission to adopt a child from China.

I Fedex'ed the document to Hand in Hand within the hour of getting it out of our mailbox so they will have it by tomorrow morning. Now all we need to do is to certify and authenticate our dossier then we can submit our dossier to China. The real wait begins when we get a log in date from the CCAA.

Auguest Referrals

Referrals arrived today for LID (logged in date) 11/8-11/21 /05(maybe a lucky 11/22?) families. For the expedited due to Chinese heritage group, the June 2006 families have received referrals. A CERG (Yahoo group for expedited due to Chinese heritage) family who should be expedited is anxious because they have not gotten theirs. Will have to wait to see what the glitch is.

With each batch of referrals, the slow down gets worse because only part of a month gets matched each month. It will take at least 4 months to get through November 2005 for the regular group, though there are hopes that things may speed up a bit after November, it being a "big"month. For the expedited group, the CCAA seems to refer either half of a month at a time or a whole month every other month. I think they just sort of eyeball the pile and try to keep the expedited group about 6 months ahead of the regular group. I was hoping that they would expedite base on rate of referral rather than a fixed interval, but they don't seem to be doing that.

What that means for us is uncertain since we are so early in the process we are not even logged in yet. If the current rate of referral does not speed up, then people who are just paperchasing now would not get a referral for 10 years! That's essentially saying that the adoption will not happen. Though there are rumors, the CCAA has stated recently that they are not planning to shut down the IA program. One can only assume that they have a way to speed things back up so the referral time remains reasonable (reasonable being 3 years for now).

Dramatic speed up is expected after the May 2007 group has been processed because of the rule change, but there are still 18 months of backlog (or 4.5-6 years at the current rate!) until then. For the expedited group the back log is 11 months until May 2007, so 22 months. (Though again, the CCAA seems to want to keep the difference between the 2 groups at a consistent 6 month. They sometimes skip several months of the expedited group...) I am not counting the months after May because it is possible that the number of applicants can drop so much after May 2007 that families receive a referral as soon as they pass review (not likely, but just to simplify my calculation). That can be approximately 5 years from now. I suppose I am still young enough for a baby 5 years from now, do not think 10 years would be possible though. The lady that runs Hand in Hand in Albion will probably have retired by then!

Many are hoping for a significant change in the rate of referral after next year's Olympic. The hypothesis being that the slow down was done to avoid the potential negative image of China being viewed as the "great baby exporter" while the reporters roam around Beijing looking for stories. I can sort of see that happening, we won't know until next year this time though. I won't comment if that's right or wrong, good or bad, international adoption is a very complex issue in and of itself. Obviously, the Chinese and the adoptive parents are coming from two very different perspectives and I am both Chinese (well, Taiwanese anyways) and an adoptive parent.

The CCAA maintains that the slow down is due to simple supply and demand, i.e. a dramatic increase in the number of adoptive parents and decrease in the number of babies abandoned, coupled with increase in domestic adoption. Other issues mentioned in the China adoption community include the change in how orphanage donation (fees) from international adoption are now distributed across the province rather than just to the particular SWI (social welfare institutes) involved, therefore decreasing the motivation and/or the resources that SWI's have to make their babies paper ready for international adoption. Orphanages (SWI's) are now increasing their fees, after 15 years. Regardless of whether or not things will speed up, I think the fee increase is more than reasonable. The USCIS increased the I-600A fee to a total of $730 from $685, the certificate of citizenship fee is also to be increased...etc. Things are just more expensive in China now, as it is in the US, compared to 15 years ago. I think there are some uneasiness that allowing orphanages to charge their own fee can lead to corruption and even some form of baby trafficking. I am hoping that the CCAA will issue guidelines for the SWI's to charge what they need based on the local situation but avoid the scandals of corruption to taint what has been a "model program" for international adoption.

For now, I will be thrilled to see our I-171H before 8/11/07, and hopefully get logged in by September.

Transracial Adoption

Every life is made up of many different parts. Few are more than the sum of their parts. They create with what they have something wondrous, exceptional and unique. Most manage to fit their pieces together well enough to form something comprehensible. Some are just not good with puzzles.

Problems and Delays

Received this reply when emailed USCIS regarding our I-600A application:


Your home study was reviewed on July 19, 2007. It was rejected due to the following:

The home study did not include a summary of the counseling to prepare the prospective adoptive parents regarding post-placement requirements. In addition, the home study did not include any discussion regarding expenses, difficulties, and delays associated with international adoptions.

Your home study worker, Sara Grepke, was contacted regarding sending in an updated home study to reflect the above.

Thank you,

Lisa Ubaldo


Talked to our social worker who was contacted by Hand in Hand yesterday. She will be sending in the required update tomorrow. A mere technicality of a single sentence apparently which was left out because she was not familiar with the Chicago office.

Am I frustrated yet? Not quite. Just disappointed that we won't be getting the I-171H this week after all.

Is Hand in Had inapt? I don't think so. Things of this nature probably happens regularly given that they have to deal with offices in different states all the time. They just resolve it as it happens I am sure.

My mantra for adoption paperwork: It's not personal, we are just a pile of papers to be processed. Checked every two weeks for problems until the baby is home...then forget about it.

Flatland

Disclaimer: These are not conclusions drawn from a deep understanding of mathematics and physics. These are flights of fancy from watching too much Star Track.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flatland

As an adoptive parent, I sometimes wince when people tell me that my daughter is "lucky". It is indisputable that all of my children are "lucky" kids. After all, not only do they not know disease or hunger, they haven't even experienced life without climate control. So, why do I feel the need to mumble back, "but it is I who is lucky" when people tell me that my daughter has "good fate 好命"? Because, it means that in some ways, she was rescued, therefore indebted, hence not as entitled to her current life as her rambunctious, and ever-so- demanding brothers?

Curious as well, are the feeling that many adoptive mothers share, that we are somehow, on some level, responsible for not having been there from the beginning. No one claims that to be a logical feeling, and for some it's not just a wistful longing for q 2 hour feedings....but a conviction that these children were ours, from the beginning, and we should have been able to conquer the time space continuum to, well, rescue them earlier! It is just a part of our job description as parents to rescue our own children, any of them.

There was the true story of a courageous mother cat that went into a burning house again, and again, and again, until all her kittens were rescued. (They all survived, thank goodness). There are also, the many colorful China adoption journals, blogs, and You-Tube videos. For our own family, The China Adoption trip was my husband's "best vacation ever". He and my parents flew business class as was the"norm" for China adoption at the time (why?), toured Beijing for a few days, stayed at carefully selected (by me) five star hotels, and dined at the most prestigious restaurants (my father's dream), while picking up our dear daughter. My daughter may have suffered, but heroes we were not to her, more like, tardy parents not too swift with paperwork? If she could have spoken on Gotcha day, she would have asked, "and what took you guys so long?".

There was the twin paradox, now for me is the adoption paradox that exist because as humans we are only able to perceive time as a linear dimension. So, perhaps, my daughter is lucky the same ways her brothers are, no more, and definitely no less. And if my children want to grow up feeling grateful for their blessings, and feel responsible for their parents, so much the better for me and my husband. Filial piety is very important to the Chinese, let's keep that tradition going.

So, what's that got to do Flatland? Well, it may be that we are stuck in our version of Flatland where the reality of our existence is "underestimated" by infinite degrees. When we are no longer bond by the constraint of time and space, our love for one another also becomes "omniscient and omnipresent", when we reconcile ourselves with God.

China Doll

There exists a thread in Rumor Queen (a popular web site for China adoptive parents) regarding the term China Doll (http://chinaadopttalk.com/forum/index.php?topic=4502.0talk.com/forum/index.php?topic=4502.0). It starts out innocently enough with an adoptive parent wanting to understand if the eponym is offensive, and if so, why. I read the thread with curiosity for several pages and thought that it must be hard to be a transracial adoptive parent...so many things to watch out for but so brave. I was much more worried about the Green Bean Popsicle topic at the time...Imagine, a bag of frozen Green Giant on a stick then serving it to your baby. Cultural shock indeed, even for a 10 months old!

The thread becomes interesting when Chinese adoptive mothers (after several pages of restraint) chime in to say that they don't find the term "that bad"....not that it is good mind you, but just that compared to the C-word, (no, not China, "Chink" ,you silly), it's not t-h-a-t offensive. But the C-word should be avoided at all cost. Yes, we did have to explain that! The intent is probably to allay the anxiety of many of the China adoptive parents that their daughters will be forever scarred should they chance upon the term China Doll or any of its variations. After all, China Doll could just mean a doll made of porcelain. There are some fortunate Chinese women with such blessed complexion...my own daughter being one.

Never mind the slings and arrows of outrageous parlance, raise your children to overcome racism by being an admirable person, said I and many others, and they will change the future!
(Feel free to pick your own role model, there are quite a few). Silly me. Maybe that ideal is too lofty? It's pretty obvious that our voices are irritating to the Rumor Queen (affectionately referred to as RQ) and her non-Asian, but oh-so-culturally empathetic followers. We are pesky obstructions on their course to be the definitive authority on China adoption and matters relating to it. RQ's cited reference for her proclamation on the matter at hand (and she has many) is a college age blogger with identity crisis because she is a beautiful, intelligent Asian woman... in that order. Unbeknownst to me, being beautiful is apparently a real disadvantage in the current American society, and if one is also intelligent, the angst of being misunderstood becomes unbearable, being Asian on top of all that is just more than anyone can bear. That's duly noted. I am not disputing that that's her experience at this point of her life, whoever she may be. But how representative is she for the entire female Asian American population, including people like my mother and grandmother? I can tell you right now, unless your are a pervert, you can call my mom China Doll all you want, she'll respond by covering her mouth with her hand and giggle, then thank you profusely. My mother (who can be a little silly, bless her soul) is just as part of the American society as the co-ed, and she has conquered many heart ranching hardships living in America with perseverance and patience. I know because I was there, and I know of many more Asian women like her. They are not without worth, so why discount them and their feelings?

China Doll? People of my generation (roughly the generation of current adoptive parents), would most likely just shrug it off. Growing up here, many of us have experienced both the concrete operational school- yard type racism and the nebulous, undefinable kind that accounts for the discrepancy between our impressive academic credentials and lack of social/economic/political representation. Despite that, we, by and large, do not walk around bitter and angry but manage quite nicely, thank you. Quite a few of us even hold ourselves and/or our poor parents accountable for this discrepancy, attributing it to our upbringing and educational style. Being called a China Doll is trite by comparison, especially if no harm is intended. I'll tackle that one when there's an Asian president in the United States of America.

In truth, I suspect that the term China Doll may, in certain instances, be a problem for Chinese Americans of my children's generation, well, hmmmm :cough cough, whisper: if they are adopted by non Chinese families. However, since the "glow in the dark" white women (their words not mine) who object to the term have fairly young daughters or none at all yet, could it be that they are waging a war on the term for themselves, because they, these "white women", resent being reminded that their daughters are, or will be... adopted? When people descirbe my daughter as a China Doll, it's assumed that she is my biologic daughter, and I thank them for telling me that she is cute. Such is not the case for a transracial mother. For her, the statement may be taken as an inference that her daughter is adopted. While many have no problem with that inference, my hypothesis is (have to hold my breath here, because I am scared to say this): for a transracial mother or mother -to- be who is insecure about her motherhood, either because of unresolved infertility issues and/or of her motivation for international adoption, the term China Doll may generate many negative emotions that have nothing to do with the Asian women or her Asian daughter. For these same reasons, these women will be just as offended by the term Ethiopian Princess (Aida instead of Madame Butterfly?) if they were to adopt from Ethiopia. I can just see the mandate right now: "DO NOT let your daughter listen to Puccini (or Verdi)" . I believe these acrimonious women to be a small but vocal minority of the transracial adoptive community, but they generate, perhaps unintentionally, confusion and misunderstanding as well as pain for others, including their own friends and family. In my humble opinion, they should keep their private grief private rather than co-opt other people's anguish that's fundamentally unrelated.

Referenced by a mom- want-to -be university professor, is a trans racial Korean adoptee who wants to abolish the term China Doll from the English language. For this Korean adoptee, the word Chink is not nearly as offensive as China Doll. She resents China Doll when applied to her because it implies that people think all Asians look alike. Well, she is not Chinese now, is she? Who has the initiative to meddle with other people's racial slurs? Obviously, I am having problems just recognizing my own. Besides, many Asians have problem telling Caucasians apart too, ever try to watch an American movie with one? In all seriousness, this Korean woman most likely has issues that I would not in a million years make light of. Nevertheless, the point is, for the most part, China Doll is dismissible by Chinese American women... not commendable, just dismissible by a great majority of us, unless used by a sexual pervert that is (even then, it's the perversity that is the problem, not the words). RQ and her supporters refuse to acknowledge the voices of the Chinese adoptive members on the forum, instead, they pro actively seek out any Asian woman whose personal experience supports their claim, no matter if taken out of context. They are seeking allies rather than the broad consensus that exists in the Asian American community. In short, using RQ's jargon, I would say that "our positive experiences of being a contemporary Chinese/Asian American woman are being invalidated". Got to love the lingo... Good thing they validated my parking ticket in Chinatown this weekend (no, I don't live there, probably can't afford to given the current real estate market), or I might just have to invalidate my lunch.

By the way, I do realize that Chinese and Asian are not interchangeable, but we were sort of just lumped together for the China Doll discussion...

Efforts to reconcile were repudiated with disdain, and before long, much to my horror, true racism started to surface. To help me better understand how Asian women are actually viewed in America, the said professor above, who is a "waiting mother", kindly described the "pervasive" (especially around US military bases (?huh)) stereotype in plain English for all to share..."passive, submissive, exotic, and adept at sexually pleasing men..." If she wasn't so serious, it would have been funny. I could have (and really wanted to) excuse her as someone who got a little carried away with her quotes when trying to make a point but for the fact that she became very antagonistic when I tried to point out that perhaps the stereotype is dated, and offered an alternative one that is more relevant to our time. For my benefit, so she claimed, was posted a long list of links to substantiate her conviction that racism toward Asian women is well and alive in America. Hmmm, I am so dense I haven't noticed. She googled the term China Doll for her research and found "much evidence". I hope her reproductive endocrinologist googles to practice "evidence based medicine " on her. Read in the WSJ today:

"The Internet itself has exploded as a center of chat and misinformation...."

As an experiment, she should google Cleopatra, or bunny rabbits, and see the many porn sites that pop up. She could have pm'ed (pm=private mail)me the offensive list if the intent was to enlighten an oblivious China Doll, but she chose to post the list publicly. Though she posed and prosed to eradicate racism, in actuality, she seemed much more interested in perpetuating it if doing so supports her own cause.

The Rumor Queen herself suggested that I talk to some young Asian Americans to get some perspective?! What's up with that??? Perhaps in her zeal to reform me, she forgot that not all Asian women were adopted? Maybe she thought that I am estranged from my family and friends? Was I not young once, not so long ago? Come to think of it, I spent the first eleven years of my life talking exclusively to other Chinese in Chinese! For the record, we do talk about our negative experiences of being an Asian American woman (right now, for example), we just don't dwell on it. Though much obliged for her concern, our ethnicity or gender is just not a constant ban on our reasons for being as she fears, and I hope it won't be for her daughters.

Is it not obvious to those in pursuit of irreproachable political correctness that if they lose sight of the spirit justifying it, they can create more much more harm than good? Not to mention making themselves look pretty ridiculous in the process. As a metaphor, if, in Japan, trying to be respectful to the Japanese culture, an American woman bows to the train conductor as she boards the train. But, finding the crowd of Japanese around her restrictive of her attempts to bow, she pushes the ones behind her down the stairs and punches the ones on her side......... perhaps a little extreme, but I am trying to make a point.

As the thread gets off track and veers into Asian stereotypes in general, it becomes nearly intolerable. A woman is "puzzled" by the desire of the "young, successful, professional Asian women" whom she works with to perpetuate the model immigrant stereotype. They told her that her baby will be very smart when they found out that she was adopting from China. Well, what were they suppose to say? I HOPE your baby will be smart? Or better yet, your baby will be "submissive, passive, exotic, and adept at sexually pleasing men" when she grows up? Is that a poorly veiled implication that professional Asian women are opportunists and would use any situation to advance their own standing? So what? For her information, I for one, am not smart, successful, (and not without charm) to perpetuate a stereotype; egads, that's just who I am, by THEIR own standards. (Being most un Asian now, tooting my own horn, but it's for a greater cause). For many Asian women, being successful is not a stereotype, but a reality. Should they have been criticized and condemned for hoping that the adopted Chinese babies will be part of their world instead of that of Madame Butterfly? I can't help but feel that some trans-racial adoptive mothers want to see Asian American women as victims who need their protection, but secretly resent the competitions from those who are successful and well adjusted. Are THEY the ones making Asian women seem passive and submissive?
(Not sure who or what is making us sexually pleasing to men, but if you find out, let me know so I can pass it on to my unmarried cousins and friends...thanks in advance)

For those interested, though we may take pride in our group's achievements, the model immigrant stereotype is not something Asian Americans discuss to impress the non Asian community. It's a most relevant topic of great significance for ourselves and our children because of its many ramifications. It is also a stereotype that can generate so much pressure and pain, that sometimes it leads to personal tragedy...enough said... back to Cio-Cio San and Susy Wong....and more recently Sayuri. A person really must spent a lot of time watching TV and movies if she wants to understand racism, another RQ obervation. If my references seem old, that's because I just don't have time to watch much TV lately...will try hard to catch up. I am putting my faith in Kai-Lan, the preschooler, to vanquish the rampant China Doll stereotype (you remember, the passive, submissive, exotic....whatever one) in the global media. According to the NY Times,

"Kai-lan [the main character] inhabits a fantastical realm with an impulsive tiger, a koala who longs to be a panda, a pink rhino and a dumpling-loving monkey. Kai-lan is 'a born leader who makes affirmative connections with people and nature, paying attention to the feelings of others..."

I wonder why RQ et al don't object to her? Just look at the picture, how many Chinese stereotypes can you find? So... this represents the reality of contemporary Chinese American womanhood? The inconsistency is obvious. Perhaps RQ et al were being a little hypocritical when argueing their objections for the term China Doll? I actually think Kai-Lan is really cute, and am desperately looking for a break from Dora and the Wiggles. (The picture reminds me of my daughter with my father, the koala bear-B0B0, the monkey-Baby Aby, and the little bug-the daughter I am waiting for?) But then, I am a poor judge on what should and should not be offensive to a Chinese woman, so my opinion does not count.


Now, how offensive is China Doll??? Well, I would pause if someone introduces her daughter as my "China Doll" since I can't imagine myself referring to my mother as my China mommy or my boys as my Eurasian babies. Not that there's necessarily a problem, but one wonders. And NO, I never refer to my daughter as China anything. First, it's redundant. Second, it would sound kind of ridiculous uttered in Chinese. ( ha ha my children are bilingual :)) . Same reason I don't tell my vet that I am bringing my canine Labrador retrievers for their baths on Thursday. when my relatives compliment my daughter on her undeniable cuteness, they do call her doll, A WESTERN Doll (洋娃娃）! In Chinese, a western doll or baby is a doll period. How's that for irony? Of more importance, if little old ladies or other immigrant Chinese use the term China Doll to compliment my daughter, even if it annoys me or my children, I would want to teach my children to be kind and forgiving first before being judgmental about the vocabulary used. Charity and Forgiveness before Political Correctness and Moral Superiority in my household. Too Christian? How about just being polite? Now there's an Asian concept for you.

How do I personally feel about the term China Doll? How can I be so ignorant about it's egregious connotations? Let me count the way... When I arrived in the midst of a blizzard in Chicago not speaking a word of English, racial slurs were pretty low on the list of things I must learn to survive. A few years later, when I got up at five every morning to study for the SAT so I can ensure my family's future wellbeing (not to fulfill a stereotype), China Doll was not in the official study guide. True, I knew that Chink was a bad word, because occasional bullies would holler that term at me, but really , any noise such persons made was offensive. Fast forward to medical school at the esteemed halls of Northwestern. Classmates were too busy shoving my books off on the street because I was ruining the normal grade distribution curve for them, I don't think they could see the color yellow. It was just bright, glowing, neon green for six straight years. There I was again, perpetuating the darn Asian stereotype, being a six year med. I hung my head in shame and tried not to complain, that's the submissive, passive part of me. While I am all "settled and established" now, I am not indifferent to the "forever a foreigner concept". I view it as a mixed blessing. Being effortlessly bi-lingual and bi-cultural is a definite plus.

Reading to this point, my husband wants to know when is the "exotic, adept at sexually pleasing men" part going to surface....(Bug off, you...I am busy and I have a headache from typing all this).

To give credit where credit is due, I don't remember ever being this riled up about being Chinese. The China Doll thread is by far the most offensive and racist experience that I have encountered in my entire life. Why are these people adopting from China? Are their daughters going to disrespect Chinese/Asian women and hate themselves when they grow up? Are they the reason that many reputable international organization frown upon international adoption? Are they the reason that transracial adoption in America is difficult? (Do I sound like Carrie Bradshaw?) I don't know, but I wonder after my encounter with them.

I learned of all sorts of stereotypes reading the links the above mentioned RQ member provided. I was a little afraid that I will get spammed with pornographic sites, but my fury knew no fear. Where have these women been? Inquiring minds wanted to know. Suffice to say, the last site of the list was angryasianman.com. Quoting my 2 year old, "you joka me, ma ma?". I struggle with what to do? Be silent and unheard because of my Chinese upbringing to avoid confrontation, or raise hell and fulfill the third Asian female stereotype of "the dragon lady"? We are such a versatile group.

At the end, I think I'll keep my thoughts burried in oscurity. After all, this is not the diatribe of a Rumor Queen, nor that of a university professor, this is just the diatribe of a Pissed Off China Doll.

Referrals

July's referrals are starting to arrive. Dates covered appears to be 11/8/05-11/14/05. During all this, I was trying to correct a clerical mistake on our I-600A. When we arrived for our fingerprinting appointment (biometrics), the check in person noticed that my name was recorded as Kristina Fielder rather than Kristina Wu. Amazingly I was able to get my fingerprints done by having our agency fax a copy of our marriage certificate. That was followed by emails to Chicago USCIS and Hand in Hand. Both responded promptly. We were instructed to submit the message in writing with our signatures. I am still waiting for all sort of problem to occur because of this, but I know that in the end it's just a lot of paperwork and phone calls. Perhaps this is how God leads us to our daughter since he can't do the matching for CCAA. Even though I am still complaining about our fingerprinting delay last time we adopted, we would not have been matched with Esther if it were not for the delay.

Fingerprint Invitation

June 25, 2007
I wasn't expecting our fingerprint invitations from the USCIS for another 3-4 weeks. On the "received application" letter, they indicated that our home study needed to be submitted prior to being given the invitation for fingerprinting. Either Hand in Hand submitted our home study a lot faster then they said, or the USCIS is not really following their rules. Whatever. I am just glad that we got it. I have a feeling that things may move pretty fast for us even with the current wait. We'll see.

Logged in At USCIS

June 19, 2007
Received a letter from USCIS saying our filed was logged in June 11, 2007. However, no fingerprints until home study is sent. Vickie says in couple of weeks. Just as well. Spoke with Sonia from Hand in Hand. She feels that we need more documents to prove that not only was I born in Taiwan but is actually ethnically Chinese, since the certificate of citizenship does not state ethnicity. I pointed it out to her that there are no document that states ethnicity from Taiwan, most Taiwanese are just Taiwanese not a mixture of Irish/German/etc...Granted that the population both in Taiwan and in China is actually genetically diverse, politically speakingk we are just Chinese as only Chinese can be... how about looking at my picture? I suppose I could have been half Japnese? Anyways, we will be sending them the same stuff as last time, which is no problem with me. There are certainly enough evidence that I am about as Chinese as one could get short of being born in mainly China. But hay, according to PROC, Taiwan is definitely part of China so no problems...

certificate of citizenship

After reading all I can about the expedited process, I decided that the single most important document seems to be my certificate of citizenship (from the US) which ironically is THE document that proves I am indeed Chinese!? Therefore I made a trip to the Chicago USCIS today. Their service was not bad, just not friendly. I did get out in time to take Esther to Chinatown for lunch. Nevertheless, I thought as I was leaving that unless the service at the USCIS improves, anyone not born in the US will always feel like a second class citizen. The funny thing was, I was not there to prove my citizenship and all its entitlements. I was there to obtain a certified copy of my certificate of citizenship to prove that I am of Chinese heritage to the CCAA. Whatever works...

Getting Started

June 7, 2007 3:07 pm
We just started the paper work for our second adoption. The wait for a referral from China is so much longer now. I spend all my spare time reading the Rumor Queen and try to predict how long the process will be this time. Our agency just submitted our I-600A to the Chicago USCIS (posted June 5th). I called the bank today to see if they cashed our check yet...not yet....will check again in a few days. Yesterday was a "referral day" and very exciting even for those of us not in line yet. So far, the paper chase has been pretty easy. I was able to collect all newly issued documents in two weeks and requested for a speedier home study that took place last Saturday (May 26, 2007). Hoping for better luck with the INS (USCIS) this time. Last time, they forgot to request our fingerprint from the FBI, and took more than a few phone calls to every agencies involved to solve that issue. I am fairly confident that we qualify for the expedited status due to Chinese heritage so I am hoping that our adoption journey will be less rocky than the other's. My goal is DOC by September 2007. It's all up to the USCIS now.