Giving up my iPhone

How best to describe my feeling upon surrendering my iPhone for Scott to use, and settle with a Blackberry Pearl? When in the depth of despair, I can only express myself through Chinese poetry.. 還君明珠雙淚垂 comes to mine.

The Blackberry Pearl is a pretty stylish smart phone itself, but, 曾經滄海難為水，除卻巫山不是雲.

I am waiting for third party developers to create medical applications that can be download to the iPhone. Using web based applications is just too inefficient and unreliable for a busy pulmonary/critical care practice. 春蠶到死絲方盡，蠟炬成灰淚始乾 sort of sums up the current situation.

But, I still get to use the iPhone on weekends. 兩情若是久長時， 又豈在朝朝暮暮

So, 問世間, 情是何物, 直教生死相許 is the billion dollar question to be demonstrated by a new iPhone vs. other smart phones ad for China.

Before I get another iPhone, it needs to mature beyond being desirable and beguiling, it needs to support knowledge management systems for healthcare, and mobile charge capture applications. A woman can not live on love alone.

How Heartless Are We

Scott and I practice medicine in La Porte county. We have only one neurosurgeon in the entire county. He also serves Porter county. He takes call for himself every day (and night), because well, there's just him. If a person happens to need a neurosurgeon traveling through our lake effect snow covered roads and gets hit by a truck, or because a person drinks too much champagne this New Year's Eve then falls and hits his head, he is it, any hour of the day (or night usually). He's been doing this for, give or take, 18 years.

A few days before Christmas, the OR scheduled was packed with no room to accommodate emergencies. Everyone wanted to get their elective surgery done before the year's end, because they have already paid the deductible for their health insurances. Scott called to say that he's going to be late coming home because his case was bumped two or three times and he won't be starting his case until 4:00 or 5:00 pm. (Scott, my seldom mentioned husband, is an orthopedic surgeon.) A couple of hours later, he called again and told me that he will be further delayed because he gave his time slot to the neurosurgeon at the last minute. Bellow was his conversation with the OR charge nurse, Dr. F, the neurosurgeon, and others.

Scott: say, why is Dr. F is looking grumpy? It's not like him.

OR nurse: well, he has to operate on a kid with a brain abscess today, and now he's going to miss his mother's funeral at six (6:00 pm)because his case keeps getting bumped. He says the abscess needs to be drained today.

Scott: speechless?!?!?!

Ran done the hall to stop them from wheeling his patient into the OR, asked his patient if he'll wait a few more hours so Dr.F can get to his mother's funeral. Patient had no problem waiting. Patient was a normal human being. Scott, thankfully, also was a normal human being.

Dr.F: Scott, you don't have to do this you know, it's not how the rules for the OR schedule work, you are entitled to go before me.

Scott: IT"S YOUR MOTHER"S FUNERAL!!!

Anesthesiologist (during Scott's operation): do you think the OR committee is going to review him bumping you?

Scott: I gave him the spot, it's not a bump.

Anesthesiologist: it's a bump according to the rules.

We thought anesthesiologist was half joking, but only half.

Me (after listening to Scott): You joke me, right!?!? (Chinese baby English comes out our my mouth when stressed.) Why he not ask someone earlier?

Scott: I no joke you, you English bye bye, need neurosurgeon? Drive to Chicago...Dr F at funeral.

Me (thinking some more about this): On the other hand, who else do you think would have let him "cut in line"?

Scott and I thinking very hard, eyes widening, hearts sinking...

Scott (hope rising): Dr.X would have offered to operate faster...?

Why DR. F felt he could not and should not ask his fellow surgeons to let him "cut in line", and drain a must be drained brain abscess, (in a kid no less), so he could attend his mother's funeral reflected his assessment of our medical community's character, ethics, and humanity, after having worked with these people for 18 years. I think he may have been "conservative" in his assessment, but well within the ball park in his estimation of the probability of his request being denied. It's long accepted that in the field of medicine, personal birthdays mean nothing, holidays mean working harder and longer hours on the days that follow, and maternity leave starts when one is having contraction's every ten minutes...no reason to not work because your mother just died. And the funeral? Dead people don't need emergency surgery, so not valid reason to bump another surgeon's elective surgery.

Are the other professions like us? Or are we just more jaded about death and dying? Or just jaded, period?

Words to Live By

I was working on a post about being an Asian American or more specifically a Chinese American. After a a few days, I got bored. It's just not a problem or even much of an issue for me so what I wrote sounded contrived...as if I was having an academic argument for the argument's sake. Same as if I try to give people insights on how to loose weight. Even after gaining 40 plus pounds with my last pregnancy, I would only diet until the next meal. I still lost all the weight and some more in three months. I have no insight at all on weight loss because I never have to work much to lose weight. That certainly does not mean that obesity is not a problem, just not mine. Ditto for being a 1.5 generation Chinese American.

Fortunately for my blogging career I happened to chance upon the book "Words to Live By", a selection of C.S. Lewis's writings, at Borders today.

"for Scripture here cometh to our aide with this excellent reason, that we respect not what men merit of themselves but looke only upon God's image which they bear."

So often in the hospital , especially in the ICU, I question the value of my work. Many of my patients seem so "unworthy and irredeemable". So many of their illnesses stem directly from repeated self abuse and total disregard for the cost incurred to their families and society. Yet I and most of my colleagues carry on, repeatedly patching these people up just so they can return again in a few weeks. I have always thought that I do what I do because it's my job and I just want to do it well, and besides, it's business, I am just providing a service that I get paid for. Tonight, I am both humbled and inspired by that quote. I am reminded again of how important and powerful the influence of Christianity is on our society and how infrequently we give credit to the Bible.

Tomorrow is Sunday, we are taking our children to a new Chinese church close to my parents house so they can participate in Sunday school. If they learn nothing from me, they will learn how to be Christians.